


Day 27: Malfunction

by ofplanet_earth



Series: 30 days of Barduil [27]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Android Thranduil, Androids, Bard think's he's an idiot, Chief Engineer Elrond, Commander Bowman, Councillor Taruiel, Emotions Chip, Enterprise, Fluff, M/M, Smitten Thranduil, Star Trek: TNG, Thranduil is worried his emotions chip is broken, USS Enterprise NCC 1701 - D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 16:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5298548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofplanet_earth/pseuds/ofplanet_earth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lt. Commander Thranduil worries his emotions chip has been damaged. He turns to Commander Bowman for help and they both learn something new about androids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day 27: Malfunction

**Author's Note:**

> this story was requested by nobody! I wrote it purely for my own selfish reasons. I saw [this post](http://daftprodigy.tumblr.com/post/107815037229/with-this-photoshoppery-i-hereby-submit-my) on tumblr and... well... one thing led to another. so here's my second Star Trek AU starring android!Thranduil and commander!Bard :D
> 
> a special thank you to [LoveActuallyFan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveActuallyFan) for taking the image linked above and creating the lovely artwork you see below. she's too good to me, really. she's [therepressedcreative](http://therepressedcreative.tumblr.com) on tumblr and her art blog is [plotbunniesincolour](http://plotbunniesincolour.tumblr.com).  
> ♡

[](https://imgur.com/fXYXsUm)

  


“You know I’m not really qualified to do this, don’t you?” Bard stood back and worried at his lower lip as Thranduil sat down at his desk. “I’m not an engineer; wouldn’t it be better to have Elrond take a look?”

“You misunderstand me, Commander. I am not malfunctioning. I have run three full diagnostics and have found no systemic abnormalities. My neural net is functioning properly.” 

“Then what’s wrong?” 

“It is my emotions chip. I believe it may be damaged.” 

“Then you should go see Elrond.” Bard argued. But Thranduil didn’t move, and so he sighed and parted the hair at the side of the android’s head to find the appropriate access panel. “You know I hate doing this,” Bard gritted his teeth and peeled back the skin of Thranduil’s scalp. 

No, not skin, he corrected himself: it was a convincing blend of silk and a plastic polymer. There were moments when Thranduil seemed so… so human. And then there were moments like this one that reminded Bard very painfully that he wasn’t. 

“I apologize, but I did not feel comfortable seeking out the help of Lieutenant Commander Peredhil.” 

“You didn’t _feel_ comfortable? It sounds like your chip is working just fine, Thranduil.” 

“It is a colloquialism, Commander. A figure of speech. A word or phrase that is not formal or literary—“ 

“Yes, Thranduil. I know what a colloquialism is. Now what is it you want me to do?” 

“There are tweezers on the desk. You must remove the emotions chip so that I may run additional diagnostics.” 

“I’m not going to damage it, am I?” 

“It is highly unlikely.” 

“You’re not inspiring a whole lot of confidence here, Thranduil.” 

“I apologize. I have deactivated the chip for the time being. Please proceed.” 

Bard drew in a deep breath and held it, aware that his hands were shaking slightly and that he was about to stick his hands inside his friend’s brain. No, not his brain. His _positronic neural net_. He located the chip and plucked it out, still holding his breath and half-expecting to see sparks jump over the wires and connections.

“Alright,” Bard breathed out. “Here you go.” He handed the chip to Thranduil and replaced the open panel on his head, happy to cover the blinking lights and titanium alloy and let the passable mask of humanity fall back into place. 

“Thank you,” Thranduil said, and began to inspect the chip. 

Bard pulled up a chair and sat on the opposite end of the desk. “What’s wrong with it?” He asked. 

“That remains to be seen, Commander.” 

“Thranduil?” Bard crossed his arms on the desk between them.

“Yes, Commander?” 

“How many times have I asked you to call me Bard?” 

“Forty seven times to date, Sir.” 

“And have you ever once called me anything besides Commander or Sir?” 

“I have not.” Thranduil paused and straightened in his chair, lifting his gaze to meet Bard’s. An idea seemed to occur to him. “Does this upset you?” He tipped his head to the right. Bard smiled. 

“How would you feel if I kept calling you Thran, even after you requested I use your full name?” 

“I cannot say how I would feel about it, as I made that request before the emotions chip came into my possession.”

“Make an educated guess.” Bard smirked. 

Thranduil seemed to think for a moment. Bard had seen him read the Federation’s _Compendium of Alien Species, Planets, and Cultures_ in under an hour. The man could recite Shakespeare off the top of his head and calculate the speed of a planet’s orbit in under a second. But he had to sit and consider an emotion— something that was so innate and natural to Bard was almost completely foreign to an android. 

Not for the first time, Bard wondered what the thoughts must be like, racing through the hunk of metal and wires inside Thranduil’s head. 

“I suppose I would feel… frustrated. Annoyed. Perhaps even sad. As though you had ignored or disregarded my express wishes.”

“So I’ll ask you again, Thranduil. Please call me Bard.” 

“I apologize, C— Bard. I did not realize.” 

“It’s alright, Thranduil.” He smiled and watched as the android returned to his study of the electronic chip in his hand. “Can I ask, what sort of malfunctions have you been experiencing?” 

“I have experienced what I can only describe as hallucinations; I entertain thoughts of unrealistic situations when I am alone in my quarters or, perhaps even more disturbingly, when I am on duty. When I am control of the bridge on the night watch, for instance.” 

“Hallucinations? Are you experimenting with drugs, Thranduil?” Bard laughed. 

“I am doing no such thing,” Thranduil’s eyes went wide and Bard might have thought he’d been scandalized by the suggestion, except that Bard had taken the emotions chip out of his head himself. “Perhaps ‘hallucination’ is not the correct term for what I am experiencing. They are… imaginations. I find myself entertaining notions that my life here on the Enterprise might be different from my reality. The changes are minute, subtle, sometimes hardly perceptible, but they are there.” 

“Thranduil,” Bard laughed. “It sounds like you’re daydreaming.” 

“Daydreaming?” Thranduil tipped his head to the side again. “Ah. A series of pleasant thoughts that distract one’s attention from the present. Yes, that does seem accurate.” He nodded.

“That sounds pretty normal, Thranduil. Trust me, we humans have them all the time. What are your daydreams about?” 

“I hesitate to share them with you, as I am unsure what your reaction will be.” 

“What sort of reaction are you afraid I’ll have?” 

“Some of these daydreams involve other members of the crew. Yourself in particular.” 

“Me? Nothing bad, I hope!” 

“That leads me to my secondary complaint. These… daydreams are accompanied by several concurrent emotions. Often they are conflicting, contradictory and nonsensical.” 

Bard could do nothing but blink for a moment. “Thranduil,” he cleared his throat and swallowed, though his mouth had gone dry. “What happens in these daydreams? I promise I won’t think any differently of you.” 

“Often when I have these thoughts, we are close to one another. Not physically, necessarily, but there is an… affection between us. We spend a great amount of time in each other’s company. Our activities are often mundane and yet I enjoy them. I feel glad that I am sharing them with you, and that you are glad, as well. You smile at something I have said and I am overcome with emotions I have never experienced.” 

“H—“ Bard paused and willed his voice to solidify in his throat. “How long have you had these thoughts?” 

Thranduil thought for a moment before nodding his head slightly and responding, “I first identified such feelings one hundred and eleven days ago.” 

“That… that can’t be long after you got your emotions chip.”

“In fact it was two days after installation that I first experienced them.”

“Have you spoken to anyone else about them? Tauriel, perhaps?” 

“I have. The Councillor suggested I speak to you about them. At the time, I did not think it wise.” 

“Why not?” Bard’s heart had begun racing and he could feel his cheeks warming. 

“I did not wish to endanger our working relationship. I deactivated my emotions chip and the problem seemed to have resolved, which is why I now believe it to be damaged or malfunctioning.” 

Bard looked at the chip on the desk, then back to Thranduil. He snatched the chip up, not bothering with tweezers now that he knew there had been no damage done at all. “For such an intelligent life form, Thranduil, you have an immense capacity for stupidity.” 

“I beg your pardon?” 

“There’s nothing wrong with your damned emotions chip.” Bard rounded the desk and pulled back the familiar panel behind the android’s temple, located the proper connections and pushed the chip back into place. He smoothed his hair down again and turned Thranduil’s desk chair around so he could kneel in front of him. “Turn the chip on.” 

Thranduil twitched his head and closed his eyes. “Done.” 

“Look at me,” Bard said. “What do you feel right now?” 

Thranduil seemed to experience a torrent of emotions, then; each of them lit at at the corners of his eyes and tugged at his mouth before he was able to pull the neutral, cool mask over his face again. “I feel… very strange.” 

“Tell me.” Bard said. 

“All my systems are operating at increased speeds. My senses are heightened. I feel an urge to pull away and yet a stronger urge to stay. I feel anxiety. Fear. Worry. I am afraid of what you must think of me, of what you will do next.” 

“And when I do this,” Bard reached up to tuck the hair by his temple behind his ear. “What about now?” 

“I feel… excitement. Joy.” 

Bard rose up on his knees so that he was almost as tall as Thranduil as he sat in his chair. He leaned forward, the slight warmth and hum of the android’s systems thrumming like a pulse against his fingertips. He leaned in closer, until his nose nearly brushed Thranduil’s. “And now?” He whispered. 

“Increasing anxiety. Elation in conjunction with terror and apprehension. Uncertainty.” 

“Is it a bad feeling?” 

Thranduil seemed to think for a moment, his green eyes darting back and forth between Bard’s own before flicking down to his lips. 

“No,” 

Bard pulled Thranduil closer, until he could reach across the final few centimetres and kiss him. It was nothing more than a gentle press of their lips for a few short moments. Bard could feel the tension in Thranduil’s neck and his jaw begin to ease before he pulled away slowly. 

“And now? What are you feeling?” 

Bard watched as Thranduil dipped his head and lifted his hands, surrounding Bard on all sides with his presence and his touch. Bard’s breath caught in his throat as Thranduil’s fingers danced along the line of his jaw and his lips brushed against his again. His heart raced as the touch solidified. He laughed and kissed Thranduil in earnest. 

“Do me a favour?” Bard asked. “Next time you’re worried you’re malfunctioning, explain the problem before you have me pick through the wires in your brain.”

**Author's Note:**

> originally I was going to reveal that Bard was a hologram. that they could only see each other on the holodeck and Bard was aware of all the time Thranduil spent away, walking the ship without him, going on away missions, having a life while Bard was stuck in darkness.  
> the last line:  
> "Computer: end program."  
> but I decided against it for a few reasons, not the least of which being that it would have been really cruel. so consider yourselves lucky :)
> 
> I'm a sucker for fresh inspiration! you can still [send me an ask](http://www.ofplanet-earth.tumblr.com/ask) to request a fic.
> 
> if you don't see your prompt this month, don't despair! there are a few I won't get to before tuesday, but I plan on holding on to them for future stories. I'll credit everyone who sends a prompt when I publish the story.
> 
> I like to tag [inspiration](http://www.ofplanet-earth.tumblr.com/tagged/30-days-of-barduil).  
> you can keep track of my word count on my [novel page](http://nanowrimo.org/participants/ofplanet-earth/novels/30-days-of-barduil) or on my [tumblr](http://www.ofplanet-earth.tumblr.com/tagged/nanowrimo).


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